The Toasted Cockroach

During my long week of no sleep, I would get out of bed around 5 and let my baby sleep. I knew if I tried to get comfortable again and fall back asleep he would wake up and want to nurse again. So every morning at 5 I would come out to the living room exhausted. I was the only one up. Not even the sun was up yet. By the third day of this, I grew to enjoy my alone time in the morning. Even if I was beyond exhausted. I was ALONE. No kids, no husband, no dog, and no one to expect me to text or call them back. Truly alone.

My toddler and husband usually woke up by 7:30. My baby would wake up usually around 7, sometimes earlier if he realized I was gone. But this gave me 2 whole hours to myself. To drink hot coffee, eat breakfast, AND go to the bathroom by myself. Maybe you can see the appeal now. Yes, I was beyond exhausted. But this is my second baby. So I knew this was only the beginning. I wouldn’t be well rested for at least a year. By the third day, I got out of my mindset that this sucked and embraced it.

I decided I would be a nice wife and make my husband some breakfast. He works hard and I haven’t had the energy to take care of his health for a long time. I look in the refrigerator to see what I can make. Well I have 2 dozen eggs that have expired. I do the water test and yep, they sink. I look again. I see bread and cream cheese. Perfect. He loves that and it’s easy. I want it to be ready before he wakes up. I put a couple slices of bread in the toaster and start on a cup of coffee. I get a plate out and look down to the toaster as it is about to pop up. What do I see? I see a dead roasted cockroach pop up with my husband’s toast! I am from the West coast. We do not have cockroaches. I know they are as common as ants in Texas. But I scream. I let out the girliest freak out scream. My husband rushes out to the kitchen because he thinks I’m hurt. I am filled with panic and point to the toaster and attempt to spit out the word cockroach. He just laughs and says gross. I do not feel any better with his laughter.

Now my mind is spinning. What are the habits of cockroaches? Do they have friends? Can I even drink coffee or did they go in all my appliances. I am about to have a full on panic attack. My husband rushes to get ready for work and I need to move on from my fear. My screaming woke up my toddler and baby. I take a deep breath and tell myself “I can do this.” I just need to get through this morning. I give my 3 year old a granola bar that I know hasn’t been tampered with by the roaches. He has his water and breakfast. I change both kids and turn on Ms. Rachel. Girl, I need your help today. I usually hate having tv on first thing in the morning, but like I said I just need to get through this morning.

My husband is not worried about the roaches but he is worried about work. So I tell him do not worry, I got this have a great day! I love you. I fake a smile, give him a kiss and send him on his way. I take another deep breath as the panic starts creeping in again. The kids are fine at least. Now I need to figure out this cockroach. I still haven’t had a cup of coffee. I haven’t been to the store all week because I just got over having the flu, so no iced coffee. I need caffeine. This is my first step. Find caffeine then deal with the toasted roach.

I call the one man I can think of to help. My dad. I tell him about the roach and how I haven’t even had a cup of coffee. He senses my need for caffeine too. He tells me to find anything caffeinated. I go to my pantry and find a new jug of Thai iced tea my sister brought me. I guess this will work. I wash a cup (my dishes are piled up too). I poor a large cup and a splash of milk. Oh this is nasty but I drink it. After I’m a little more awake my dad said just throw away the toaster. I tell him I can’t. I am too afraid to look at the roach. So he helps me prioritize again and says then don’t focus on it now. I try to put it out of my mind. Tell my dad thank you for taking my call at 5 AM his time and tell him I will be fine, you can go back to sleep.

I take another deep breath. Nap time finally comes around. I put my toddler down first. My baby isn’t quite ready yet but I’m getting hungry. I need to get rid of the cockroach toaster. How? I look outside to see if any of my neighbors are outside. I see two landscapers mowing the neighbors lawn. I think, perfect! I will just pay him to toss it. I remember I only have $50 in cash. But at this point I don’t care if that is grossly overpaying. I need help. I run across the street with a baby on my hip, dark circles under my eyes and desperation in my voice. “Can you please help me, sir?” I explain the situation. Like my husband, he doesn’t blink. No big deal. He comes to my house to throw away my toaster. But I know my mind won’t be at ease till he makes sure there are no friends. He searches all my cabinets,  appliances, and pantry. I ask if it’s common to just have one. He reassures me it is and it probably came in because of the storm last night. He says I don’t see any more signs of cockroaches. I thank the man. He probably thinks I’m crazy. But he saved the rest of my day. I go to my wallet and only have a $50 my mother in law gave me for my birthday. I hand it to him and say this is all I have. He tells me it’s too much and I say please you really have helped me more than you know. I remember I have some bug spray for outside our house. I ask him if he could spray outside also. He said of course. After he left I could breathe again. I finally have a cup of coffee and put my baby to bed. My toddler is asleep so I decide to take a much needed nap.