Sickness
If you have ever had a sick baby, you know the lack of sleep, for both of you, that comes with it. My 8 month old was diagnosed with hand mouth and foot. A really nasty sounding virus. If you are unfamiliar with this, it is sores on their hands, mouth, and feet.
Yesterday was a pretty rough day. In this blog, I will always be honest with you. I woke up in an okay mood. But my morning dictated the rest of the day. My baby woke up shortly after I had. His fever spiked to 103.3. I didn’t get much sleep the night before and before I could reach out to our pediatrician my toddler was already demanding everything from me.
I woke up my husband at about 9 to help me. He didn’t have work till the afternoon so I was so thankful I could have his help, or so I thought. He grumpily got out of bed and headed straight to the bathroom to take a famous hour-long poop. I really cannot fathom pooping for that long but ever since I have known him, apparently it takes him this long. When he finally gets out, I am on the phone with the advice nurse. He asks me mid-sentence where his wallet is. I’m already beyond annoyed at this point and I shoo him away. He leaves the house! I am fuming at this point.
We had talked the day before, that he needed a haircut and to get new shoes in the morning. But all this was before our baby had such a high fever. I thought he saw my frantic need for help this morning. Either he is the biggest idiot in the world or he just doesn’t care that I am about to lose my mind on our beautiful children. I find out later that it really is that he is a clueless man.
By the time my husband gets home from his “spa day,” I have already lost it multiple times. He took the entire morning for himself, even got HIMSELF a burger (even though I hadn’t eaten). But you know, “he didn’t know I would have wanted one.” I am so worried about my baby and my toddler won’t chill out or understand that I just need him to behave (I don’t know why I expect him to be an adult in my times of crisis). I tell him I just need to go to the store to get Tylenol before he goes to work. I didn’t want to take both kids in the store with me. He goes in the bathroom to shave and get ready. I lose it on him. I tell him I hate his fat ugly face and scream so loud. My toddler is terrified, my baby is too. I feel bad but I can’t control it. I am about to lose it even more. I leave out the front door with my keys and wallet and tell him good luck. Sometimes I wish I was that kind of mom that could just leave her husband with the kids and go off somewhere else. But I sit in my car for 2 minutes, take some real deep breathes, cry a bit, and give myself a small pep talk.
I go inside and even though I was gone for 2 minutes, everyone seems really worried. We take my husband to work and I get myself a much-needed coffee and head to Walgreens. Whenever I am mad at my husband I “punish” him by buying myself some things. So, I spend way too much time buying some new nail polish and face masks (because what else does Walgreens have?).
I would like to say my day got easier from there. But it didn’t. It continued on from bad to worse to worse. It was the kind of day where nothing could possibly go right. I even spilled an entire pitcher of smoothie all over the counter right before bed. But you know what, I made it through. My kids and my husband still love me. I apologized to them all for my lack of supernatural ability to have patience with them all. I am a work in progress. I am human. I did my best yesterday. It was a freaking hard day and honestly, I was glad when my head hit the pillow.